I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
