Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
