At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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