Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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