So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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