everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The chlamydia really affected his face.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
