So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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