I wish my penis had an off switch
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
