I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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