Where did you get a picture of my penis
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
