Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
