You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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