I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
