i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I supernannyed him into submission
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
