Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
