I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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