that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just invented taco cereal.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
