No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fuck appropriateness.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
