you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
