I'm jealous of your bromance
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
