I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think people are normalizing furries
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
