I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
