Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
