i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize