I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
