We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize