he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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