guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
