I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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