I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
