I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
