I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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