The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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