it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have tasted many bathrooms
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
