i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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