Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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