Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
