i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
