did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
