that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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