I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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