I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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