Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize