Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
