I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize