I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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