She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
