we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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