I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
