Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
