her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
