Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
