worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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