Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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