covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
no, he came in my armpit
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How's work?
Spinning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Randomize
