Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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