Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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