She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
