I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
