Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
