hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
