16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
