I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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