News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
