when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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