I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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