apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
