well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
